


What fools these mortals be

by Have_a_biscuit



Category: The Folk of the Air - Holly Black
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Breathplay, Cardan wants babies, Established Relationship, F/M, Gen, Jude...., Post-Canon, discussions of mortality, see what i did there?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-30
Updated: 2020-10-30
Packaged: 2021-03-08 21:55:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,073
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27283756
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Have_a_biscuit/pseuds/Have_a_biscuit
Summary: Cardan watches them with a wistful smile on his lips and I feel a pang of guilt in my chest, an emotion I’ve felt many times before. And as always, I push it back, let the pain ebb and flow out, pretend I can just ignore it, pretend I didn’t notice his stare, pretend everything is fine.I’ve been pretending for years now.Ten years after The Queen of Nothing, Cardan earns for children and Jude... not?
Relationships: Jude Duarte/Cardan Greenbriar
Comments: 6
Kudos: 101





	What fools these mortals be

I know what he is thinking when he looks at Oak playing with little Eva, who is not so little anymore, who now insists she is not a child and wants to go on revels to dance the night away. Not to say about Oak who, as a young man, is playing with his niece in an act of indulgence for her own amusement. 

And on and on, Cardan watches them with a wistful smile on his lips and I feel a pang of guilt in my chest, an emotion I’ve felt many times before. And as always, I push it back, let the pain ebb and flow out, pretend I can just ignore it, pretend I didn’t notice his stare, pretend everything is fine. 

I’ve been pretending for years now. 

Eva squeals and runs back to our blanket as a goblin comes from the house carrying a polka-dotted cardboard package, making an amusing scene. The package is placed in the middle of our buffet table, and we gather to sing Vivi a happy birthday, in the little intimate family party she had asked for. No balls or revels, no guests, only our family of eight – she, Heather and Oak; Taryn, Gareth and Eva; Cardan and me.

Eight. A stable number that has been so for many, many years. Eight people in dinners, eight people in parties, eight people cramping on Vivi’s living room while we play boardgames. Eight, eight, eight. 

I try to make merry for Vivi, plastering a smile on my face, singing for her birthday, and chatting with everyone. The chocolate cake is delicious, the sweetness almost painful on my mouth. Cardan is watching Eva again, how she cuts a piece of her cake with faerie gracefulness. He watches as Eva drops cake on her dress and starts to cry, how Taryn immediately turns with a napkin to clean what she can. He watches as Taryn hugs her daughter and tells her it was nothing, just a little stain, how Eva encircles her waist and rests on her chest, her sobs subsiding as her mother pats her hair gently. 

The cake lumps in my throat, but still, I try to pretend, to ignore it, push it down where I cannot feel it. 

We leave as the sky starts to brighten to a light blue tinge. We sit in front of each other in the carriage and I look out of the window to avoid his stare. The air is tense, and words unsaid hang in the air. Cardan plays with a ring, turning it around on his fingers. Despite the wind blowing on my face, I feel like I am going to suffocate. 

“Jude.” His tone is resigned and just like that he breaks the facade I can barely keep up at this point. 

“Cardan.” I try to sound amusing, but my tone is flat. 

“It is okay. I shall not ask for more than you can give. Not anymore, and not on this.”

I don’t know how to answer that. I should feel relief, I should be thankful he is being so reasonable in this, but I’m not. The weight never lifts from my chest, his words only making it worse. 

“Should I prostrate myself to show thankfulness to my King?” I say bitingly, knowing it's stupid and wrong, but not being able to stop me from lashing out. 

“Jude...” His tone is surprised and hurt, and his face wrinkles. Not in anger, but in resignation. He shakes his head and looks out of the window. 

I want to throw myself out of the carriage, I want to punch someone, I want to swing a blade into flesh, I want to be anywhere but here and now. 

We don’t talk anymore for the rest of the ride, and when we reach the palace I decide to check some pressing matters on the Court of Shadows so I don’t have to take the same path to our chambers and then stay in the same chambers in his presence. I shuffle papers for almost two hours, getting little done, wondering if it's been long enough for Cardan to be asleep. I consider sleeping here, but that would be a bit too much even for me, and so I drag myself to our room. 

The Knight on guard opens the door slowly as not to make noise, and I try to look composed – to the most one can look composed trying to peer into one’s own room to see if the husband she is trying to avoid is still awake. 

I walk into the view of Cardan’s bare back on the bed, breathing softly. I finally feel some modicum of relief, but even that is followed by guilt. I know I am behaving like a child. Since I dismissed my pixie maid, I try to undress quietly down to my shift, and with calculated movements, I slip on the bed, lay down, and close my eyes. 

And that’s when Cardan sits up. 

“Oh no,” He says softly, but there is a distinct undertone of anger. “This time, we are going to talk.”

“We have talked." I say pressed to the pillow, not giving any ground. "You said that you wouldn’t hold it against me.” 

“Well, that was before you went out of your way to avoid me.”

“I didn’t! I had some correspondence I...”

“JUDE!” 

“STOP SAYING MY NAME LIKE THAT!” 

“Then you stop lying!” He gets up, puts on a robe, and starts pacing, his tail wagging under the robe bumping on his calf. I finally sit up on the bed. “This is ridiculous. You keep... I can’t be the only one thinking this is wrong. If you don’t want to have children, then fine, I can deal with it, but don’t just... mope around.” 

“You are the one moping around, not me!”

“Every time I play with Eva or interact with any children for that matter you get... I know you think you’re hurting me, but I promise you I am fine.” 

“Because you can find another mortal wife after me and have as many babies as you want!” 

He halts, his eyes widening. I know I have not only crossed a line, but trampled on it, I know I am being petty and unfair, but I have to grip something even misplaced anger, or else... 

“What is even this, Jude? What are you doing?” 

“I...” I start, but his face makes me stop. He is not mad at me, he is not resigned, he is... tired and disappointed. He looks me up and down like he doesn’t know who I am, like I am a changeling put in place of his real wife. I suddenly feel cold, dread creeping up my spine. 

“I’ll...” He gestured to the sitting room and turns to leave. 

My eyes blur as I watch his retreating form, knowing this is my own doing. Knowing that if I don’t do anything this wound will fester and rot my marriage from the inside. I feel anger at myself and I grip it with both hands, like a shield. 

“Remember when they found a goblin with a knife trying to slip into my dressing room?.” I almost scream. 

He turns. “That was months ago. Almost a year.” 

“And what about the pooka with the blusher mushroom?” 

“Years ago. Where do you want to go with this?”

I get up from the bed and come to stand in front of him, still gripping on my anger. “They were not for you, never for you. The Folk love you, it is me they want gone… so much work when they have only to wait...”

Anger flashed on his face, but this time not directed at me. “Some may Jude, but not all, not most of the Folk.”

“But enough of them. I know there have been fewer and fewer attempts, but they still happen, and it only takes one to succeed.” 

He brushes my cheek reverently like I am made of smoke. I know the moment he realizes it, and then my anger slips from my fingers and in its place...

“You want children.” He says, astonished. 

“They would be targets too.” I barely whisper. “The children of the mortal High Queen...”

“When was ever that fear stopped you?” Cardan asks softly. 

“Cardan...”

“I never wanted to pressure you, but if you want it too...” He is almost giddy for a moment, and he takes my hands, enlacing them between us. “We’ll protect them, Jude... We can do this... what I can’t is to live this half-life, with both of us miserable when we want the same thing.” 

“It would be cruel to bring a child into this, the court is-”

“Do you resent having been born? Because I don’t.” 

“The...” I grasp into the air for something I can hold into, but Cardan’s eyes are shimmering. 

“The Greenbriar line would be forever tangled with you, Jude. Think about that, Oak has never wanted the crown, he’d rather renounce it than have it... and for all of those who have defied you, they’d have to bow to your children for as long as Elfhame stands.” His voice is velvety, in the same tone he tells me of his mischievous pranks and that he uses to convince me to ditch the Council, to abandon revels in the middle, saying what he’d do to me, and what he’ll let me do to him. 

And then he comes for the blow. “I don’t just want children Jude, I want your children. Yours, or none.” 

I know he cannot lie, but it feels too much to be real. He leans down slowly until our lips almost touch, his eyes still fixed on mine. 

“I want your children.” He says again, and then he kisses me. It’s softly at first, but then his hands are at my waist, hoisting me up, and I grab on his shoulders as he trails kisses down my neck and walks us back to the bed. He whispers it again and again on my skin how much he wants my children, and I feel like I’m going to burst, to lose myself in this... there is no anger to hold onto now, and even my fear is dissipating like mist.

I open my legs for him as we kiss, holding on to his shoulders. I cage his body on mine before I push on his chest, rolling us so I'm on top. My right-hand trails up on his chest under the opening of his robe. I stop at his neck and clasp it, squeezing and cutting his breath. I can feel his chest heaving, trying to fill with air, while his eyes widen. His hands shoot to mine, but he does not try to move me. Under me he is hard, and his hips try to find friction on my thighs. I wait one more second and I relax the grip, and his throat rasps almost moaning, gushing for air. 

“Remember what you said to me, on that tournament we competed together all those years ago?” 

“Such a bad moment to have a good memory, wife of mine. I have eaten my words a thousandfold.”

“Humor me.” 

“Something stupid I wager... to kiss my shoes, perhaps?”

“No, that was another happy moment...no Cardan, you told me I was rotting from inside out, that I was born to die, that death would forever define me.” I squeeze his neck again, smiling. “Or something like that.” 

“Well...” He tries to speak, but I tighten my grip.

“Hush. You were not wrong, dear husband. I am a mortal, and I shall die, and leave you. Not even the High King can prevent that.” He can’t speak, but I catch a glint of sadness in his eyes. “Do you want something of me, Cardan? Something you could have forever?” 

I relax my grip, and he answers dutifully. “Yes.” 

“So I shall give you children, husband. I’ll give you children, and you shall forever look at them, and think of me.” I let go of his neck and lean down, looking deep into his eyes. “And you will think of me after I am long gone. Constantly. You’ll look into their faces, see me, and despair. I shall haunt you as long as you breathe. Is that what you want, husband of mine?”

“Yes.” 

He surges up to kiss me and I laugh.

**Author's Note:**

> I do love their vicious banter/foreplay.
> 
> I see Jude as very reluctant to have children because of the danger... and Cardan... he'd want a dozen. I feel like this fic is much more about mortality than about children itself. The Cardan novella may explore this (or not), but I wonder if Jude is even a mortal anymore after being tied to the land - but assume they at least think she is in this fic.


End file.
